What is the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull? Pit bulls are legal in most states!

If you watched Sarah Palin deliver her acceptance of the Republican Party's vice president nomination, you probably heard a different answer -- "lipstick." But that's the difference between me and the Alaskan governor. She's not funny.

But she is a hockey mom. What exactly is a hockey mom? It's tough to research such a question in an area where ponds are hard enough to find, let alone frozen ones.

So, in typical fashion, I gravitate to the easiest research available. Pick a different sport! Everybody's heard of soccer moms.

I've always thought that "soccer moms" was a generic label applied to busy, mini-van driving mothers who could time traffic to the minute as they negotiated American suburbs. Maybe hockey moms are the northern variety of the same species? You can probably get away with it in Alaska, Minnesota and North Dakota, but I bet any woman who affixed the label to herself in the Sun Belt would be picked up quicker than a pit bull -- even if she was wearing lipstick.

Palin's surprise nomination prompted many inappropriate conversations. Can she be a good mother to a special-needs baby if she's vice president? She's kind of hot for a mother of five, don't you think? What kind of example did she set for her 17-year-old pregnant and unwed daughter?

All these questions, and many others, surely shouldn't find a forum in the mass media. But they have, and they'll continue to.

And even though Palin herself has said female politicians should expect extra attention because of their sex -- and that they should just deal with it or get out of politics -- she'll hold her own. She maximized the media attention provided for the convention by blasting the media. She'd fit in just fine in Washington.

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Women long have escaped full understanding by men. You know, the can't-live-with-'em-can't-shoot-'em kind of thing.

As a general rule, men have little clue as to what motivates women to do or say what they do and say.

I was sitting at Vernie's the other day discussing this with Curt and Jerry. I believe there was a collective 50 years' worth of marital experience. The general consensus: You can't win an argument with your wife. It doesn't matter if you're right (in your own mind), how logical you think you're being or whatever. Any man who disagrees with this is either a newlywed yet to be grounded in reality, or has totally forgotten the lessons every boy learns from his mother.

I don't begrudge the lopsided arrangement. It's just a bumpy ride on the path to enlightenment.

* * *

To help learn how to talk with women, I went to a Hays Arts Council performance Thursday evening. It was, quite appropriately, titled "Talking with ..." and the cast was 11 women. The Jane Martin play didn't necessarily remove the bewilderment from my brain, but it was good food for thought.

Samantha, Debra, Andrea, Laura, Ruth, Becky, Brenda, Michelle, Erin, Pat and Stefanie delivered powerful character sketches of unique women. Collectively, it was quirky, painful, playful, creative, surprising, fanciful, depressing, amazing and well-worth attending by more men than were there that night.

And in the true spirit of womanhood, "Talking with ..." was dedicated to the memory of two men, Lloyd and Bill.

There's one more performance at 2 p.m. today. Men, take notice.

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I spent some time with an entirely different group of female achievers Friday afternoon. Not a theatrical group, but I bet they can be just as dramatic if they chose.

This is the family of the Miner Family Dentistry: Jeannie, Deedra, Sharon, Lisa, Delly, Krista, Katie, Kim, Kizmin, Melinda and, oh yeah, Dan. I guess the women of this practice keep one mountain-climbing basketball player around in order to pull out the long roots.

Actually, Dr. Melinda and Dr. Dan had an open house to celebrate their new location on Downing Street. The office is spacious with clean lines and soothing colors. It's just right for the women who work for them. That's what they all said.

I wouldn't disagree with them even if the floors were lined with glass, the walls were on fire and lipstick-smeared pit bulls were hanging out in the play area.

Not that they were. I'm just saying ...

Patrick Lowry is editor and publisher of The Hays Daily News.

plowry@dailynews.net